I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
