he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
