i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
