i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
