They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
