I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i came on her dog
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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