We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
