Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
