i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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