This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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