my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
