Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
