Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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