she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
