She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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