I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i would punch a child for taco bell
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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