I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was like eating out sand paper
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
