The maid of honor just puked.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
