I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
