i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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