just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
