That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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