Its about making memories worth repressing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
