Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
