she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
