Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
