I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
