Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
