I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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