My nipple is on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
