omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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