An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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