I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
