could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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