bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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