your room smells of hookers.
And success
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
