Where did you get a picture of my penis
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
