I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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