like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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