maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
