mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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