She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
