I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
