Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
