i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A+ Viking dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
