I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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