so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
