our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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