I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
