I smell stomach acid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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