remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
