My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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