She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so much tequila, so little girl.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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