I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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