The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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