ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
