It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
