Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
