Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
