I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
