I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
