They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
