what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
