I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
