Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
