Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
