some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do cheetos always look like penises
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
