I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
