Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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